that 3 weeks is now over. there were two big things that I was doing in those 3 weeks. one was my birthday party on the 27th and the other was my photography exhibit (link coming soonish - only soonish... I'm taking a little (very little) break).
I spent the first little while preparing for my birthday and then after that, I spent time every single day prepping for the art show. most of it was time in the darkroom printing film pictures to show. the other significant time was going through my 15,000+ digital phots and picking out ones I wanted to show.
the art show meant so much to me. I've always considered myself a particularly un-artistic person. for a lot of my life, not just unartistic, but uncreative. about 3 years ago, shortly after breaking up wtih my second to most recent ex girlfriend, I made a concious decision to change myself. to become more creative, more sociable, more confident, more extroverted.
I really feel like I've succeeded beyond anything I expected when I made that decision. I have a large group of friends, I am more creative, more sociable, more confident, more extroverted. I have successfully changed a lot of things about myself that I wanted to change. at first, when I started doing things differently than I had been, I was sort of faking it. I was acting like who I wanted to be (tyler durdin?). now, I am the character I used to have to play. I'm not playing anymore - I really am who I wanted to be. and I love it. I still have some work to do and some stuff to accomplish, but I'm really thrilled with who I am.
of all the people at my art show, there were 3 non family members who had known me before that 3 year ago point. only one of whom knew me well before 3 years ago. I guess that most of the rest of the people at the show would be somewhat surprised if they were to now meet the old me. the matching sock wearing, somewhat conforming, plain clothes wearing, no picture taking, tomato hating, non french speaking me.
the amazing group of friends which forms my primary social circlue can be credited for helping/enabling me to do this to myself. particularly teaa. we helped each other grow a real real lot. I also credit my brother for a lot of my growth and a lot of inspiration. he's one of the more amazing people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.
I hate to do this, because I'm going to exclude some people that really deserve thanking. but thank you to (in alphabetical order) cassandra, joseph, karin, michael, pam and whitney. and tim. tim in a different way than the aforementioned, but in a way very important to who I am and my balance.
anyway... having an art show is not like a specific goal that I've always wanted. but it does really kind of sum up my goals of the last 3 years. I threw a "party" in which I was the central character. at said party - I was showing art that I'd done. this indicates that I made art at all. it further indicates that I had a high enough opinion of it to show it to anyone. amazing.
I can't imagine being happy the old way. I look back at life and there seems to be so much less excitement. so much less vigor. so much less living.
at a wedding I went to tonight, every person was asked to say something nice to the new couple. there were well-wishes like may your love never fade. may you always be surrounded by friends. what I said was "to adventure and excitement. together - in perpetuity." thanks to everyone who has helped me get myself here.
the life is great - jump on in.
anyway... 3 weeks ago, I thought I'd be able to relax now. not really the case. I've gotten under 4 hours of sleep every night since thursday. I leave for burning man in a couple of weeks. I have lots of preparation to do. maybe I can relax after burning man.
or maybe I'll be mellow when I'm dead (and if that doesn't work, try this).