dan (dan501) wrote,
dan
dan501

Uncle Jon Syndrome

this is something I've been meaning to write down since long before I got an lj. it's one of my few named life theories.

I write this in response to thenay's post here. rather than replying, I decided this was something I wanted to put in my journal...

I have always envisioned myself getting married and having kids. Some Day. although I don't have any immediate plans for such things, it's something of which I'm totally sure. the only thing that shakes my faith in that eventuality is my uncle jon.

you see, I'm kind of picky about lovers. and when I say kind of, I mean very. more very than heathers. in the past, I have been guilty of not talking to some girl because I saw some minor flaw that made her less than life long lover material.

even though I've had times of deep feelings for my then-current girlfriend, I've never entertained thoughts of forever.

despite this pickiness and never having feelings of forever toward a specific person, forever is always been something I have wanted, aspired to, and been positively certain would happen.

which leads me to my uncle jon. he is now about 60 years old. he's still very youthful and one could mistake him for a 40 year old without feeling foolish. he's always done rather well with the ladies. he's always wanted a family. there have even been a couple of women in his life that wanted to marry him. these women always seemed cool to me. but every time, he's forevercommitmentphobic and can never pull the trigger. he had no problem making commitments to any of the girls. he just couldn't make the forever leap.

in all likelihood, he is going to miss out on a (possibly THE) major life activity/goal/achievement because he was too picky and couldn't pull the trigger. sure - he still might meet someone and get married... but it's unlikely he'll ever have kids. and if he does have kids, having kids at 60 will be different than having them at 30ish.

holding out for someone with whom you're completely enthralled and someone with whom you're completely in love is important. in my mind, it's essential. but there's a limit to the degree of perfection a love can attain. and a degree of perfection for which you cannot realistically search. if you hold out for someone too perfect, you'll end up without anyone.

the other end of this is not holding out enough. if you marry someone for whom your feelings are lukewarm (or worse), or for whom your feelings will fade, that is the catastrophic overreaction. not holding out enough is one of the leading contributors to the high divorce rate and low life satisfaction.

balance is needed. hold out for someone near perfect, but don't expect totally perfect. be willing to work - not willing to settle.

while I maintain near 100% confidence that I'll find the one for whom I seek, it's because of my uncle jon that my confidence is near 100%.
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