she helped clarify a really important something in my mind that I've danced around and non-verbally known for years.
and we exchanged insights into the good and bad times of our relationship. and each of our own personal growth that came from the relationship and the post-relationship. we talked about how much we both grew and expanded our horizons while in the other's care and with the other's guidance. more than during anyone else's tenure, for both of us. grand, I tell you.
we've had some rocky times since breaking up, a lot (but not all) of it centering around her being uncomfortable with me dating* anyone else. plus my over-interpretation of her discomfort about me dating anyone else. I often felt like my choices were to walk on eggshells or seriously freak her out. there have been times of feeling like she was more sensitive and times of feeling like she was more healed. but today I really felt like she's ok and ready to be happy for me when I make myself happy in whatever way I make myself happy.
I've thought, since the breakup, that some day we'd get over this issue and we'd be able to be really close friends. it's been a while, and at times I've lost some of my faith that that would happen. tonight, I definitely feel like the road is paved and things are really good.
as it turns out, I'm too busy to be much of a good friend. but it's ok. we'll see each other as we can. the time we do spend will be better, more forthcoming, higher quality.
and I'm extremely happy for teaa and rydot. for what they've found in themselves, what they've found in each other, and how those two (or four, depending on how you count it) finds work so well together to contribute to their happiness. whereas I merely put the penis in happiness.