dan (dan501) wrote,

why don't we do it with a beaver in the sky with diamonds


thursday turned out to be a long day. long I tell you... here goes.

I woke up thursday with two specific intentions for earlyish in the day.
1. reading of the lorax at 11:30.
2. pancakes before noon (where have I heard that before?).

I get dressed in my cat in the hat pants cat in the had hat, and pink fuzzy goggles.

then I went to go hang out in the shade structure for a minute despite my bustling schedule.

after setting a spell, I head off to the dr seuss camp. I made it there around 11:45 or so. I figure that's PLENTY on time for the 11:30 lorax reading. after I'd sat there for a couple of minutes, I learned that the reading had happened. duuuude. this is playa time, people. a couple of other people were late too. so they decide to do a second reading of the day. go us. I was kind of hoping for a long drawn out dramatic act-it-out reading. instead, they passed the book around the circle and everyone took turns reading. pass the thneedie on the left hand side. could have been better. but I still love the boot and so did everyone there (except for one russian girl who hadn't ever heard of the book).

so then I head back toward camp... dutifully checking the pancake camp. closed. fuckers.

I showed up at camp and people are still generally hanging out around the shade structure. I jumped on the trampoline a bit. I watched the kids jump on the trampoline.

I talked to james about going to costco. she's down. so after a little while, it's off to costco we go to trade each other in for new soulmates.

someone asked us to get ice on our way. so we borrowed (I borrowed, she had) bikes to carry the ice, dear liza.

on our way to costco, we stopped at the pedal powered two person ferris wheel. we'd both been eyeing it for a while (she'd been eyeing it for about a year longer than me). we got a ride... it cost me a bracelet and a pez. but I did pedal powered loopdeloops - I'd have "paid" two bracelets and pezs.

digression: I haven't mentioned much about bracelets and pez thus far. but I have been giving away jelly bracelets and pez dispensers like you wouldn't believe. on the one hand, I was very pleased with my stuff to gift (thanks teaa). on the other hand, I felt kind of city slicker shmucky for not having something personal. granted, little trinkets are kind of personal to me. in the same way that cheezy plastic rings are personal to karinlewicki or little glitter hearts for the eyes are personal to teaa. these little pieces of plastic help represent who we are and how we go about life. but it's still different than something I made. the bracelets and pez kind of made me feel like a consumer in a place that I didn't want to feel like a consumer. on the other hand, they helped produce nostalgia in a lot of people I gave them to... they were pretty cool. I gave away probably 100 jelly bracelets and 30 pez dispensers... I gave them to almost everyone I talked to for more than a few seconds, anyone who helped me, gave me anything, and often just to random people as an icebreaker. since returning from burning man, I've continued to give out some bracelets - just far less often. and usually with a less cool a reaction.

so the ferris wheel thing is great. james and I pedaled our little hearts out and went around and around. we, the painted ponies, went up and down. it was good exercise too. by the time I was done pedaling, I was really ready to be done pedaling.

then we got to costco. and we waited. and we waited. then we waited some more. the line at costco was about an hour? we had drinks in the costco bar, we listened to the costco soul trading schbiel, we watched passersby,

our photo was taken by some guy with a fisheye lens. he ran out of space on his memory card so I had him take pictures on my memory card and I promised to email him the results. I had the worst bloody mary since she was beheaded. I helped invent a new drink called a sweet tart.... orange soda, grape soda, coke, fruit punch concentrate, vodka, rum, ice, blender. it really did taste like a sweet tart. I helped inspire the bartender to invent another drink... pez, apricot brandy, some other stuff, some other stuff, and some other stuff (rats - I used to know this). this drink was less good - though I'm not a huge apricot fan.

after the interminable wait, we filled out questionnaires for costco membership. then came the interview. then came the waiting for our membership cards. then came the french maids - while we were sitting there, a troupe of french maids came around dusting everything. then came the getting of the cards, then came the leaving.

next we went to the ice place. we got 6 bags of ice at 7-12 pounds each. they were packed in the basket on the back of my bike and off we went. starting, stopping, or just standing there with a bike which has 42-72 pounds of ice on the back ain't easy. I almost fell when I was just standing there in the ice place. for the record, it's now thursday and I believe this was the first time I spent cash at burning man.

so we ride back to camp, ice in tow. everyone is glad to see ice. by now, it's about 5pm. with the exception of some zoline, for the next few hours, I kind of just hang out. I also changed into my black lacey cher pants (pay attention – this will be important later in the movie).

during this few hours before dinner, the frequency with which I heard about the great canadian beaver eating contest continuously escalated. back story – I first heard of the GCBEC a couple of months before burning man. james asked me if I’d enter with her – I said I’d do it. that was mostly the last I heard of the GCBEC until burning man. mid story – our camp was right on a big intersection. right on the corner is where we put the zoline. it’s maybe 5 feet from the actual street. in this 5 foot buffer, someone put two signs
1. blowjobs for the needy
2. an iconic sign for the GCBEC with no words

(as it turns out, the blowjobs for the needy sign pertained to a bike air pump which was right there)

throughout the week, we got GCBEC related questions. from intelligent like when is it and what’s the prize. to the less intelligent like do you have to bring your own beaver?

so at some point, we talked to someone in the know and got answers to the frequently asked questions… like no, you don’t have to be canadian but you do have to bring your own beaver.

anyway… earlier in the week, james and I decided to not enter the contest together. so I made a backburnered task of finding someone else with whom to enter (so to speak). I had delusions of grandeur about winning the contest and how “won beaver eating contest” would look on my resume.

so during these chill hours, the questions stepped up. not only did they increase in frequency, they changed. now everyone wanted to know where they had to be and what time. like the good denizens of black rock citythat we are, we had no idea. but I aimed to help. after it became clear that a bunch of people were going to be asking about this, I decided to find out so I could help the rest of them.

but before I had a chance to do that, dinner happened. dinner was great – thanks natasha and lizz. it was soy hot dogs and rice pilaf. after eating a bit, I go back to my post around the zoline… lo and behold, more beaverers show up and ask where to go. I told them that it’s high time I found out. so we walked in the direction that seemed right. in just a few minutes, we’d found the beaver place. I dropped them off and was going home… I heard “nice pants!” from what sounded like a cute girl.

I introduced myself and handed out bracelets.

there were 3 girls and a boy and they were discussing who was entering the contest and what the teams were and assordid stuff like that. after a minute, I gather that two of the girls and the guy are entering as a team and trying to get the other girl to enter with them. the cast…
guy – jeph
team girl 1 – vada
team girl 2 – kai
and starring stevie… as the beaver.

I flirted with stevie and got a rather lukewarm reaction. stevie was shy about entering the contest at all… be it with them, with me, with another couple that had been courting her, or with anyone else. contests of this sort are not what she does… too shy (shy hush hush).

they didn’t have to show up for the contest until 10ish and it’s only 8:30-9ish by this point. so they’re off to wander around looking for a clubby type place. I invited them over for trampoline and dinner (eating before eating?).

jeph, vada, and kai passed, but stevie stayed for some trampoline. we kept talking and she gave me a dragon’s tear charm necklace. legend has it you can make a wish when you get one of those charms and the wish will come true. all righty.

after a while, stevie and I took a walk and kept talking. there’s all sorts of interesting things about her. at some point during the walk, we kissed. then we continued walking. after a while, we decided to go watch the contest. we ran into kai, vada and jeph again. they asked if we were going to watch the contest… at which point, I felt like stevie felt a tiny bit peer pressured. but not in a bad way. hard to explain… but it wasn’t a bad vibe. she announced that we were entering (numfar, do the dance of joy!).

then we went to find the couple that had previously courted her and we entered as a foursome (we didn’t have to force ‘em).. we started plotting acrobatic maneuvers and positions.

they had a swell soundtrack with things like we want some pussy and me so horny… I have the soundtrack. it’s neat. some day, when I remember, I’ll put it online.

the contest was all sorts of fun. I recommend it entirely. we did all sorts of acrobatic and interesting positions. perhaps you should ask me for a demo some time. we caught one judge’s eye in particular. she stood over us the entire time rather than walking around. I also bribed her with massages and flirting . stevie and I both kissed her and there was some pointed discussion about meeting in a tent later.

in the end, the 4 of us won. we were named grand puba beaver eating champions.
dan – grand puba beaver eating champion. dig that on my resume.

then stevie and I wandered off… back to camp. we meet up with tiana, jefe (not jeph), conner, james… none of whom should be doing any driving or operating heavy machinery. stevie introduced herself thus, “I’m sure you all know wally… and I’m the beav.” laughs for everyone! stevie and I want to join them in their non-driving state… but I didn’t have enough impairative. so we went to go visit a friend who may have had some more.

long story short (despite the length here, I’ve done that a lot), I obtained one more… we wanted more, but oh well. we get back to camp, and took some drugs.

for the first hour or so, I didn’t talk. I kept it all in my mouth and didn’t swallow. I pantomimed, I made noise, but I didn’t talk. that was a real real real lot of fun. I kind of want to do that every time I do that drug: the first bit as pantomime. we’ll see how it goes.

boymaenad showed up during this hour and we had some interesting (to me, anyway) conversations when I wasn’t talking.

then we went out to center camp to meet whitney and cassandra and do something that I don’t recall. then we went out wandering with whitney, cassandra, tiana, jefe, boymaenad, james, conner, stevie and me (sorry if I forgot anyone – I was on drugs, remember?).

we wandered a lot, saw all sorts of cool things, and eventually stevie and I got separated from everyone else.

shortly thereafter, we ran into her clan including vada, jason and toz. we rode an art car, we wandered, we made friends, and we all ended up back at their camp.

stevie, who’d been walking around barefoot a fair amount, held a memorial service for her dead feet...

we went to sleep shortly thereafter. it was about 7am when we went to sleep.
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