dan (dan501) wrote,

all you have to do is didgeridoo it

I have heard two different people insinuate oral skillz that they've gleaned from playing a brass instrument. I, myself, have extolled the stamina one builds chewing gum. and now I have this to add...

play a didgeridoo.

I played for hours upon hours this past weekend. I taught many others to play. I hawked, I coaxed, I encouraged imbibition. I listened to the would-be didgeridooers complain about how tired their lips became. they were out of breath. they could no longer feel their nose. they had pubic hair caught in their teeth (behold the hazards of having pubic hair)...

I spent part of my weekend hawking didgeridoos. so good. I feel wonderful selling them. unlike when I was pushing yogart or knives, I really feel like this could make someone's sex life a better life to live. I've compiled a small list of improvements that will befall your life, should you take this 40,000 year old musical styling.

1. improved lip strength and stamina
2. ability to blow continuously without stopping to take a breath
3. learn to move your tongue in new and interesting ways to extract new and interesting noises.
4. add humming and vibration to your blowing for improved performance
5. didge baths. which I heard likened to "a vibrator without batteries" (yes, I take requests)
6. pick up chicks with your impressive display of wood.

and then there's the other, less significant benefits...
1. relax
2. meditate
3. bask in the goodness of homeopathic healing hippie mojo
4. dupe people into thinking you have musical talent!

so come and talk to me about it. I'll be happy to show you how to play a digeridoo. to misappropriate a point break quote... "didge is the source. it will change your life. swear to god."

chicks dig didge.

PS - I, myself, feel like I only got some lip freckles from playing trumpet for all those years...
PPS - at dinner, we were discussing cannibalism and the inevitable "I'd eat you" comment was made. the uprorious response: yeah... but you're not talking about eating me in the animal planet way. you want to eat me in the spice channel way.
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