dan (dan501) wrote,

  • Mood:

weekend whirlwind world tour - day 7 (thursday 6/26) (part 2)

sorry I've been so long in bringing you the exciting continuation and conclusion to my road trip across america. when we last left our heroes, our heroes were pulling out of yellowstone national park.

in the grand tradition of this road trip travelogue, I forgot something in a prior post... before we got to yellowstone, we found snow. it was very landscapey and we had a good time romping in it. we even saw a snowman. I resisted the urge to calvinize it into anatomical correctness. dj109 peed in the snow. I managed to resist eating the yellow snow, but I did get a swell picture of it. all you get is

when the great american interior decorators were doing the wyoming (ms.) thang, they had a conversation that went something like this:
we just made yellowstone national park. what are we going to do next?
let's go to disneyland!
I mean what are we going to put next to yellowstone park to counterbalance its natural beauty and grace?
the galleria?
no silly, another national park.

so it goes. and so yellowstone beget grand teton national park.

on the road through grand teton, before we reached yuppieritaville, we encountered someone very day... who could that be... satan. it was interesting because satan was kind of out of place there - in the peaceful national park. but, as any true los angelino can, I was able to spot satan in his natural habitat with no problem. I even got a picture of satan:

see, the guy with the buggy on the back of his car was driving about 15 mph though this mildly windy canyon road which didn't really have passing opportunity. I mean, we almost got lapped by an old lady with a walker.

we eventually clawed our way out of hell and into aspen. well, not exactly aspen as we're in wyoming, but jackson hole, wy totally wants to be aspen. as everyone knows, hell hath no bathrooms. like a woman scorned or otherwise. so our first order of business in aspen hole was to pee. we find a sushi place and in we mosey. all the paying customers (as opposed to us - the peeing customers) were dressed like nice respectable yuppies. I walked in wearing blue jeans, white tshirt, and spam cowboyish hat. I felt like such a rugged manly man. like I should be in a right guard commercial saying "anything less would be uncivilized." right alongside hulk hogan or "marvelous" marvin hagler.

on the road outside of jackson hole, we saw some cows. assuming you're not farmer brown, what do you do with cows? well I don't know what they do in wyoming, but when you're from LA, we commune with them. we'd been talking about communing with cows since we left noo york. we'd been surprised and disappointed at the limited cow supply into which we'd run in this great land of ours. we parked and walked quietly and with a cowfriendly nonthreatening gait in a cowardly direction. we inched toward them. we made cowy faces. we gazed deep into their bovine eyes. they inched toward us. they made cowy faces. they gazed deep into our humine eyes. they backed up. we backed up. we inched forward, they inched forward. we were doing the cha-cha. overall, a successful cowmmuning. then we saw one cow mounting anudder cow. we mooved on.

long before this trip, before I agreed to join the bellydancers on this longish journey, I laid down my two requirements for this trip. the requirements for my company were:
1. I must be back in LA by friday night for the rainbow carnage show
2. somewhere along the way, we had to make a navigational decision by coin flip.

my two stipulations were accepted, hence I agreed to the journey. if they'd really tried, maybe they could have talked me out of number 1.

long after the cows, as we traveled along the 89S. the road signs started talking about detours, temporary 89S routes, ends of the road and all sorts of doomsaying. eventually, we reached a roadblock and we were compelled to give this 89S business a whirl. after temping along T89S for a while, we came to a sign that said to continue on our 89S journey, turn left at the upcoming T intersection. when we reached the T, we were confronted with a sign that said T89S to the right (is cokeville next to yuppieritaville?). uhhhh... time for #2. we whipped out our trusty quarter and played quarter ouija. it said left. left I faithfully drove.

we've been driving in wyoming for quite some time now, right? after weaving in and out of idaho, wyoming and utah, we got to a section of windy canyon road. and dj's exit. I was thankful to be the driver - I enjoy driving through canyons. after a few nervous "maybe we should slow down"s which reminded me of childhood canyon drives which made my mom nervous, we were born from the canyon womb plop into logan, ut. then came the "wow - you're an amazing driver." I don't think my dad ever got that from my mom after such motorcarring.

we stopped for gas in logan, ut. the gas station had a bad ass coffee station. you know those international sweetish creams that come in colored plastic at 7-11? they had ALL of them. including southern butter pecan and kahlua. but that's not all - they had a bowl of little marshmallows. I was tempted to throw down and get jiggy with the mallows right there in the gas station convenience store. but I restrained.

the guy said about an hour and a half to salt lake city. our goal is vegas, baby. vegas. it's 1 am. I must be lonely. it was at this point that I relinquished drivership. and consciousness.

when next I woke, it's about dawn and we're in beaver, ut. how did I miss the photo op there? I don't know. shut up. but the sign of which I missed the picture is huge glowing red neon and says beaver. oh well - I missed the picture of a lot of signs.

we stopped in a beaver gas station, popped in some barry white, and got back on the road. I resumed driving. the drive was a nice canyon thoroughfare. which lead to a big wide open road. fancy that in the middle of the wide open desert.

as we drove through said wide open desert, I witnessed my first sunrise. I mean, I've seen plenty of sunrises, but I've never seen the decisive moment when the brilliant sunlight came over the horizon in the brilliant solar way that it does. I saw it this time. in my rearview mirror, but it was the moment that was key.

we saw the family truckster broken down on the side of the road to las vegas. we saw the burning valley of fire - and it burns burns burns...

it's like 6 am or so friday morning when we pull into las vegas. we want to get a room at new york, ny to make our trip full circle while we sleep for a couple of hours before heading home. uhhhh no. rooms are like $300 per night. even though we just want a nap before check-in time. we'll have none of that. vite comme lapin, we form a new plan. we'll just get breakfast and then drive to LA. sleep be damned.

that plan solidly in place, I'm heading back to the freeway. but lo - what to my hallucinating from sleep deprivation eyes should appear? an ihop and motel 6 bundle. we're in! I bust a left. but the left I busted wasn't quite right (ha!). I kind of aimed at the wrong side of the center divider. so I drove the wrong way down a one way street for a bit before pulling into the ihop. I can now check the "drove wrong way on a one way street" on my purity test. cassandra and dj109 assured me that this little left busting fiasco is more likely to land my soul in hell everlasting than driving the wrong way on a all-one-way one way street.

we checked in, made reservations for ihop breakfast, and went to sleep.


as an interesting aside, I was at a party at which a very david bowie looking dj109 told me that we should take another road trip...
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.